6 Things I've Learned in 6 Years of Marriage
So, yesterday marked Frankie and I's 6 year wedding anniversary.
In the past 6 years, we've laughed, we've cried, we've grieved, we've struggled and we've achieved.
When we were engaged, our marriage counselor gave us some of the best advice. He told us, "If you take care of her and she takes care of you- neither one of you will have to worry about yourself." We've taken this advice through all of the years we've been married and it's always held true.
It's insane to believe it has been 6 years. I'll be real - it hasn't been easy but what good thing is easy? We've learned to grow and get to know each other better.
I would love to share 6 things I've learned in the 6 years we've been married:
1. You need to chase your individual dreams... together.
We are honest with each other and offer support but we truly support the other's passion and goals in life. Even as I write this, Frankie is in Orlando doing hair and I am in New York for a wedding. It's hard for both of us that we didn't get to celebrate our actual wedding date together BUT we are going on a super fun cruise after wedding season in June. He supports me in the fact that I can have more fun and enjoy our time together when I'm not in the midst of a wedding every week. I support him in making sure I don't schedule anything huge during the holidays or back to school when he's slammed at the salon.
We know it's okay to have our own individual dreams. As much as we are a couple and best friends we don't expect to have the same dreams. I don't expect him to drop everything and be a wedding planner and he doesn't expect me to understand all aspects of hair. We do our best to be understanding of the position the other is in and be there for each other whether it is grabbing lunch, helping around the house or just going out for a drink and having a vent session. We have each other's back.
I think it's so important not to force someone to be something they are not but help them be the best version of themselves.
2. Sometimes when you vent you don't want someone to "fix" it.
I'm a fixer. Yes - like Olivia Pope. lol My job being a business owner, wedding planner and leader is to be the go-to for solving a problem. Unfortunately, I tend to try and do this in my marriage as well.
It's so easy when your spouse vents to you or tries to talk about their day and you immediately try to solve a problem versus just BE. I would say 90 % of the time when we are venting we don't want someone to solve a problem, we just want them to listen.
3. Communication is everything.
Honestly, our biggest fights have come out of miscommunication. We learned quickly to never assume and never fight dirty. Henry Winkler said, "Assumptions are the termites of relationships.". SO FREAKING TRUE.
It's not your place to put words in someone else's mouth or make decisions on someone else's behalf without asking them first. Just because you are married doesn't mean that he or she is your property. You don't own them. You shouldn't be making life decisions that involve them without asking them first.
Assumption leaves to anger, and anger leads to resentment. I believe resentment is one of the largest attributes to unhappiness and unfulfillment.
4. Always be dating and have sex.
It's so easy to be caught up in the monotony of life and weeks go by without grabbing dinner, a quick drink or spending some quality time together.
Real Talk. QUALITY time. Not - "let's - check - our - phones - and - sit - next - together" time. QUALITY TIME. "Let's - put - our - phones - away - and - actually - talk- to - each - other" time.
Yes...I said it. And have sex. *I see you blushing over there*.
It's easy to just think marriage makes things different. It doesn't. It makes things harder. It takes work. If you didn't date your significant other before you were married and spend time with them they probably would have broken up with you and you wouldn't be wearing a ring. Why change once you sign a piece of paper?
5. Love unconditionally.
Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, or love without conditions. It's so hard to say "I love you because you are handsome", or "I love you because you do my hair" but when you love someone for who they are past anything they "are" or "do" - you are showing unconditional love.
6. Don't lose sight of the individual YOU.
When you get married, you spend a lot of time together, you live together, you share the most intimate of moments. It's so easy to get caught up in the "we" that you forget about "you".
What I mean by that is this.
Your boo married you for who YOU are. Not just who you are with them. I find that I am happiest when I am with Frankie but also being authentically myself. I don't try to be someone I'm not just to please him - he knows what he got into. ;)
I am a fiery Italian who is super bossy and opinionated and doesn't know how to rest. Weirdly enough though - that is what he loves about me.
Anyway... I by no means think I am the marriage expert or have it all together. I'm just a girl learning how to balance being a wife but running a business, being a friend and still making sure laundry is done.
I have learned a lot in the past 6 years. We fight but don't fight dirty. We talk it out like adults. We love each other and truly care about the other's well being. I always want to do better and be better. In my marriage, I always want to grow and be better every day. It takes a lot of patience, self-control, and consciousness but it is achievable.
That's all I have to say. Now I want to shower you with engagement and wedding pics and reminisce together. ;)
Photo Credit: Thirty Three and a 3rd